"It is by riding a bicycle that you learn the contours of a country best, since you have to sweat up the hills and coast down them." – Ernest Hemingway
I wasn’t sure what punctuation to end that sentence with. I chose all three because I feel period –blah, exclamation point- yea, and question mark-uncertainty.
The lingering questions: Can I do this? Why am I doing this? Answer: to,um, see if I can. You see uncertainty.
I’ll admit the enormity of this trip has not truly sunk it. It is going to be tough, well parts will be and it will be long 950 miles worth of long. I've ridden multi days before, many miles, and self contained. However, past success does not guarantee future results. I still have to crank out the miles, this time all by myself.
Given I have some reservations and doubts, I’ve been oddly quick to tell everyone about my endeavor. In hindsight I probably should have not told a soul until I was well on my way. However, I let one persons lack on confidence shove me prematurely out of the gate.
You see, in the last couple (ok 5) years I’ve let some people, events and actions eat away at my self-confidence. A self-confidence that I didn't come into easily. So when life dealt me a devastating blow - especially from a blindside - though I did't know it at the time, getting up was the easy part . Regaining my footing and trust again, in others but mostly in myself, that has been much harder.
That's one of the reasons I need to take this trip - I need to believe in myself the way I used to. Reclaim that 'I'll try anything once' assurance. I don't have anything to prove to anyone except myself. It is a personal attempt to reaffirm my belief, my trust in me.
I know that I can do this physically, ya know. The thing is I falsely believed that I was mentally recovered from my knock down three years ago. Outwardly I was taking huge strides but on the inside I barely crawling. Mentally I have to believe in me doing this and when it's over I will be able to more clearly understand and explain why.
Seven days and counting............
In one week I will embark on my first solo self contained bike tour.!?
I wasn’t sure what punctuation to end that sentence with. I chose all three because I feel period –blah, exclamation point- yea, and question mark-uncertainty.
The lingering questions: Can I do this? Why am I doing this? Answer: to,um, see if I can. You see uncertainty.
I’ll admit the enormity of this trip has not truly sunk it. It is going to be tough, well parts will be and it will be long 950 miles worth of long. I've ridden multi days before, many miles, and self contained. However, past success does not guarantee future results. I still have to crank out the miles, this time all by myself.
Given I have some reservations and doubts, I’ve been oddly quick to tell everyone about my endeavor. In hindsight I probably should have not told a soul until I was well on my way. However, I let one persons lack on confidence shove me prematurely out of the gate.
You see, in the last couple (ok 5) years I’ve let some people, events and actions eat away at my self-confidence. A self-confidence that I didn't come into easily. So when life dealt me a devastating blow - especially from a blindside - though I did't know it at the time, getting up was the easy part . Regaining my footing and trust again, in others but mostly in myself, that has been much harder.
That's one of the reasons I need to take this trip - I need to believe in myself the way I used to. Reclaim that 'I'll try anything once' assurance. I don't have anything to prove to anyone except myself. It is a personal attempt to reaffirm my belief, my trust in me.
I know that I can do this physically, ya know. The thing is I falsely believed that I was mentally recovered from my knock down three years ago. Outwardly I was taking huge strides but on the inside I barely crawling. Mentally I have to believe in me doing this and when it's over I will be able to more clearly understand and explain why.
Seven days and counting............
1 comment:
Yahoo! Go for it, Miss E! Have a great trip!
John
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