Doing your own thang

In my quest to waste as much time as possible reading blogs I stumbled upon this wonderful site http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/. What a joy, good writing, relevant topics…check it out. The latest installment 8 Relationship Books That Need To Be Published Instead of Steve Harvey’s New Book was not only Hilarious but made me want to stop lurking and comment on title #5.

5. “Hands In The Cookie Jar: A Four-Step Guide To Understanding Why Some Women Only Date Married Men”

See the writer thinks that there are there “legions of single men out there who’ll happily grant women the option to do their own thing without worrying about being tied down”. This is so not true. Now before I go any further, just for clarification I am totally & utterly against women dating married men, under any circumstance. If he can’t slide a copy of the divorce decree at you, step away. Separated means still married no if ands or buts. But I digress….

Where was I going with this?…oh yes, men that will let you ‘do your own thing’ while in a relationship with them are RARE. Or at least few and far between. I am currently in a relationship with a lovely (non married) gentleman friend who let’s me ‘do my own thing’.  Actually the relationship I was in prior to this was the same arrangement.  Mind you I’ve had to deal with a lot of crappy, self center, possessive, controlling, jealous….dudes to get to this point.

Since my divorce I have been all about being in a relationship not dating.  The way I see it when you are dating there are a ton of expectations, bah. Then when it’s over you are ‘broken up’. If you are in a relationship, you act like grown ups, you enjoy time with each not monopolize each other’s time. Best of all when it’s over, it’s just over.

Just recently a girl was all ‘OMG you went out for drinks with your ex?’ Um, yea, see we were in a relationship, so there was no break up, nothing was broken, we are still friends.  When we were done it was done, no argument, or mean texts. Heck two weeks ago I spent and entire weekend camping and hanging out with both my ex and my current dude. We all had a swell time.

Don’t get me wrong this is a tricky situation. Not everyone can handle being in the grown up type relationship I just described. All parties need to have a certain amount of maturity, confidence and self-esteem.  All three of those qualities are quite the turn on for me, toss in a dose of letting me do my own thing……..well that’s how you keep e happy!